Permissive Parenting How to Tell If Youre Guilty Of It

Permissive Parenting How to Tell If Youre Guilty Of It Have you ever worried that youre going too easy on your children? As a growing number of parents today are choosing to emphasize a parenting style that prioritizes explanations and positive reinforcement over traditional discipline, thats a concern many folks are having. Where exactly does one draw the line between humane, progressive values and a harmful lack of buchen which, in modern-day speak, is being billed as permissive parenting?What is permissive parenting?Essentially the opposite of helicopter parenting, permissive parenting is a style in which parents ask few demands of their children while affording them unlimited freedom and indulgences. Originally described by Psychologist Diana Blumberg Baumrind as one of three major parenting styles, along with authoritarian parenting and authoritative parenting, permissive parents are characterized as being too soft on their children.Dr. Blumberg based these styles on parental r esponsiveness, the degree to which a parent responds to her childs needs, and parental demandingness, or the amount of responsibility and maturity she expects her child to exhibit. She described the authoritarian parenting style as a high level of demandingness with a low level of responsiveness (overly strict), and permissive parenting style as a low level of demandingness with a high level of responsiveness. Meanwhile, she considered authoritative parenting just right a high level of demandingness and responsiveness. Authoritative parents, she believed, were the ideal to which parents should strive.While these terms may sound a little clinical to our modern-day ears, the permissive parenting style mucksmuschenstill exists in many manifestations. Youve probably seen it the house that has no rules and plenty of candy where your child occasionally plays the kid throwing a temper tantrum in the parking lot because he wants ice cream, and the father who buys it for him. Perhaps you eve n fear that you practice this parenting style yourself sometimes.Permissive parents are often overly indulgent. This type of parenting style can be harmful to children, since they grow up with few rules and boundaries, and see their parents more as peers than authority figures. Think Lorelei Gilmore in Gilmore Girls.Are you concerned that your style of parenting is too permissive? Read on for some signs that you might be overly indulging your children and what you can do to peddle back.What are the consequences of overly indulgent parenting?Permissive parenting practices have been linked to numerous problems in children that exhibit themselves while theyre growing up and when they reach adulthood. These issues include Poor academic performance and general lack of achievement in many areas Behavioral issues, such as throwing frequent temper tantrums or displaying anger when they dont get what they want Lack of self-discipline and motivation Poor decision-making Aggression and violenc e Insecurity Controlling or selfish behavior Inability to cope with setbacks Poor time-management skills Overly high self-esteem or very low self-esteemAm I too permissive?No parent is perfect. Everyone has moments when they feel theyve been too lax or didnt handle a situation in the best way they could have. If you can think of times you may have been overly indulgent or didnt set firm enough boundaries, you probably dont need to overthink them. However, if youve made your overindulgence a habit, you could be practicing overly permissive parenting. Here are some signs that you might want to adjust how you interact with your kids and respond to their demands You never see your child exhibiting bad behavior, but other people, such as teachers and parents, have commented that they have observed it happening. You rarely, or never, punish your children, even when you know they did something wrong. You bribe or accommodate your children when they complain or throw temper tantrums, such a s giving them what they want despite their poor behavior. There are few or no rules in your household rules that do exist are constantly changing and evolving, and you dont always enforce them. Your children may weigh in on important household decisions there is no hierarchy. You want your child to see you as a friend, rather than an authority figure. You dont want to reprimand your children out of fear of her disliking you. Friends of your children describe your household as more relaxed and rule-free than theirs.If you see yourself in some of these characterizations, you may want to consider situation more boundaries for your children.How do I assume more authority?If a lack of authority and control has been a long-brewing problem in your household, you should address it sooner rather than later. You want to ensure that your children recognize that you are the authority figure and adult, and they are the children.You dont have to change the way you run your household overnightin f act you probably shouldnt. Your kids may not understand and be less receptive if the entire structureor lack of structurewith which they were familiar is replaced by a new one. Instead, work through the issues and introduce new rules gradually. You may want to start with a discussion about how you, as the parent or parents, are going to be setting some more boundaries and rules. Here are some general guidelines you might follow as you develop new expectations Explain the consequences of your childrens actions when they exhibit poor behavior. You might use examples, such as pointing to a specific time when they hurt a friends feelings by refusing to share. Create a few simple household rules. Start off with a couple specific chores and instructions your children will need to start follow. Explain why these rules are important and how they will contribute to the family. For instance, you might ask that they put away their toys every day to keep the house tidy for themselves and their parents. Describe the possible penalties for breaking the rules. Also make it clear that there may be other consequences and punishments at your discretion. For example, you might say that they wont be able to watch television if they dont make their beds in the morning. Follow through. Once youve outlined the rules and punishments, do what you say youre going to do. Otherwise, youre making it clear that the rules dont acutally mean anything.Be sure to recognize good behavior, too. This is a way of quashing any fear that you might be turning to an authoritarian parenting style. If your children respond well and make an effort to follow the rules, you might reward them with a treat. Make it clear that they shouldnt expect a reward every time they behave well, though they should learn to do so without a prize.Remember Its okay to ask for help. No one was born knowing how to be a parent, and nobody is the perfect parent. Sometimes, especially if your children are used to indulgence and a lack of rule-setting, it may be difficult to change the household dynamics.You may want to seek help from friends or family members who are also parents and whose parenting practices seem to be working well. You could also ask a licensed therapist for assistance. Through family therapy, you can learn tools and strategies for setting limits on your children and your own permissiveness, while still giving your children love and support. Your children, in turn, can learn how to respond to you as an authority figure, cope with the changing dynamics of your household, and understand that sometimes, they will receive punishments for bad behavior, but it doesnt mean theyre bad people.Also remember that exerting control and discipline over your children doesnt mean you love them any less. In fact, setting limits is a demonstration of love, because youre doing it to help them grow into mature, capable, and confident adults.